No Seal of Approval for Sporrans

by - 10:45 on 07 May 2009

I see that centuries of tradition, apparently, are about to end with the implementation of an EU ban on sealskin products. Scotland is, apparently, shocked to the core and the papers are quoting an “industry member, who did not want to be named for fear of reprisals” who said the ban was going to "destroy Scottish heritage". What? 

This story is of course all about the ending of the trade on importing sealskins in order to make them into sporrans. As quoted in The Scotsman newspaper “Duncan Chisholm, chairman of the Kilt Makers Association of Scotland, added that there must be a humane way to continue to get seal pelts for sporrans.”
Well, I have the answer. Originally, I conceived it because of the difficulty of getting authentic badger hair for shaving brushes. It would also work for squirrel hair for watercolour paintbrushes.

It’s really quite simple. The seals have to carry a donor card. They could carry it around in a little purse made of human skin, I suppose, but the point is we should let the seals decide whether or not they want to continue to make a contribution to Scottish tradition. It’s possible that Canadian seals and seals from Greenland might be less keen, but surely home-grown seals from Scotland, currently being shot around fish farms and so on, could be persuaded to perform one last unsealfish act?

‘I, Sammy the Seal, in the event of my death while marauding farmed salmon, do hereby declare my pelt may be made into showy hanging purses as part of Highland garb’. Something like that would do.

A trawl through Highland dress on line will also reveal that you can make sporrans from a lot of other animals, including skunk. (No, I’m not putting in the link.) Deerskin was of course, traditional, but badger, calfskin, rabbit, chinchilla are also available. And my favourite sporran type was the one that Sir Walter Scott mentions. This was one that fired a pistol if opened incorrectly. There’s nothing like reinforcing the mean stereotype, is there?

Finally, back at the sealskins, this may drive sporran-making underground and Edinburgh’s Royal Mile will become the haunt of sporran-touts, who sidle out of side-alleys to unload their bootleg wares on unsuspecting tourists. Scottish culture and heritage will never recover. Really, what a fuss. Don’t they know it’s all made up anyway?

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